Mom Feelings

Today, as I sit in my kitchen trying to work, I am overwhelmed with mom feelings. This overwhelm happens each time a significant change is about to happen. Today, my son and his girlfriend are leaving the cottage and heading back to Wisconsin.

I have written before how this pandemic has given me strange blessings. And having my son under the same roof for the past four months has been one of them. He is 25 years old, and I knew several years ago I would never live with him again. All a part of raising kids is knowing someday, they move on with their lives. And they permanently move out of their childhood home.

I know he will be back on holidays. I know he will return to our cottage for long weekends next summer. But to live with me, that won’t happen.

So, I know it has been a blessing to live with him.

To be reunited with his funny quirks. To remember just how much he moves each day. I tend to forget how much he paces when I am not with him.

It was also fun to watch him work. Not in a weird stalking way, well, maybe in an odd stalky way. But the fact he sits down at a computer and works 8-10 hours a day. Sits in a chair all day!

He is grown now and has his own life and doesn’t need a mom to mom him. He relates more to his Dad, with both of them loving all things sports. The phone calls home have always been to his Dad to discuss the Spartans, the Tigers, or anything else sports-related. So, getting to be a part of his life again is not something I took for granted.

It has also been a blessing to spend the past four months getting to know his girlfriend. There is just something beautiful about really getting to know the person your child loves and who loves him back. She is his match in so many ways. They are both kind, smart, thoughtful, competitive, and a bit stubborn. (Pretty sure my husband thinks the stubbornness is from me.)

Getting to know her and see them both together in normal circumstances has been a blessing. Well, I guess there is nothing ordinary about the events which brought both of them to our doorstep, but you know what I mean.

I am pretty sure I will have the ugly cry thing going again. You know, the same one which happened when my youngest went off to basic training. Being a mom has been the best thing to ever happen to me, but it is also the hardest. Sometimes the mom feelings are just a lot to handle. Sometimes, it gets the better of me, and the ugly cry happens.

I am not ready to see the car pull out of the driveway.

I will miss the conversations. The family dinners. The morning talks at the kitchen island with coffee. The discussions about how our runs are going. The days spent on the boat. Listening to the nightly card games. I will miss them both and my fur grand-baby, Tom.

But boy am I ever grateful to have had the past months with them. I am ever so thankful they decided to spend the quarantine time with us, with me. I realize it may have been more about having a larger space to live and work. As well as a place with an outdoor area and a lake. But I am going to say; maybe they wanted to be around some family as well—people who they could quarantine with and feel safe around.

With all of my love and gratitude, thank you for staying with us. And I wish you all the best as you head back to your lives in Wisconsin. ❤️

Oh darn, the ugly cry is happening already.  Darn mom feelings!


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