What is your dream home. I believe we have all seen those posts on Facebook with a series of pictures of houses. A seaside home, mountain cabin, lake…Dream Home
When I worked for a company, we did a mid-year review and a final review each year. The mid-year was done with your boss to make sure you were on track to meet standards for the year. In essence, so there would be no surprises as your final review.
It was the final review where what you accomplished was compared to the goals set by myself and my boss at the beginning of the year. Was everything accomplished? Did you go above and beyond what was expected? Did you not meet standards in an area? If so, there were systems put in place to help you meet standards the following year.
Because a review at mid-year was completed, the one at year-end wasn’t supposed to have surprises. It often did. When I stopped working for a company, I was grateful to never have to go through this process again. And I am certain my boss was just as glad to never have to give me another review.
The thing with the review process is it keeps you on track.
What a difference a year makes!
This weekend I was the last person up to the cottage for the July 4th weekend. Pulling up to the driveway I discovered, there were already six cars parked there, along the road, and at the neighbor’s house.
Walking into the cottage, I could see the boat and sea doo were gone. The family was already at the sand bar enjoying a beautiful Saturday.
The cottage floors were strewn with shoes and towels. The kitchen was filled with dishes. I had no idea where the three cats were. There were suitcases and duffles all over the place.
Generally, things which would make me mad, but made me smile! What a difference a year makes!
I took a walk down the street and noticed mine was not the only house overflowing with cars and campers. It was the rare driveway that was empty. People were ready to enjoy the long weekend.
And the homeowners were entertaining again!
Yesterday, back to the sandbar! The best way to enjoy a sunny 90-degree day. I have to say, in our 20 years of living here, I have never seen so many people there.
What’s more, the people were smiling. And I could see their smiling faces! There were volleyball games, tons of people floating on rafts, and I may have spotted a beer pong game or too.
This morning I went back out for a walk. The driveways are slowly emptying out. My driveway is down to four cars.
Friends have headed back home, and two of my kids have headed back to their lives.
There is a bit of me that is sad. Which is a normal feeling when the house empties out.
But honestly, I am so blessed I have a place they want to spend their time off. I am grateful they chose to spend their time with me. I have great kids, and they have great friends. This weekend has reminded me of just how blessed I am.
Of course, this does not mean I won’t shed a tear or two while I track my kids back to their new homes. It just means I know just how lucky I am to have spent some part of their long weekend with them.
And that is the difference between this year and last year. Last year I was heartbroken to see my son head off to boot camp. Like ugly cry sad. This year I know how blessed I am when I get to see him. (I may still shed a tear though.)
May you also see the blessings in your lives, even when they make you sad.
My life has been shut down and not in a good way.
The last thing I wrote was about being overwhelmed. I wrote the post on January 4th. It is now the end of June.
I had plans in place on how to deal with feeling overwhelmed, and I closed out by saying I would let you know how it went. I guess since I haven’t written since January, you can see it didn’t go well.
This doesn’t mean the way I was going to move forward was faulty, it just didn’t work because I was not in the mental space to move forward.
I am not feeling creative. The creative well, so to speak, was dry.
I feel most like myself after running, photographing life, and spending time with family and friends.
I haven’t been running.
My camera battery has been dead for a while. I pulled my camera out to get a close-up of my daughter in April and it was dead. I haven’t taken the battery out to charge since.
And time with friends, well, I don’t remember the last time I did that.
So, yup. I pretty much shut down all the ways to refill my creative well.
Refilling the well is simple. I know how to refill it. I just haven’t.
My running shoes are dusty. I bought my shoes at the start of the pandemic. Typically, shoes need to be replaced every 500 miles. I am not even close to this mileage more than a year later.
Taking photos, is a passion of mine. How I really love to see the world. I haven’t picked up the camera. And what’s more my phone is with me almost at all times. I just don’t take photos. I wish I could say it was because I was trying to be present in my life, but that would be a lie. The thought to take photos just doesn’t even happen any more.
And time with friends was essentially removed by the pandemic. But that really was no excuse. There are other ways to do this, and now that my state is essentially open and I am vaccinated, there is no excuse.
I have just shut down.
So, after I am done writing, I am taking my shoes out for a run. Maybe dust them off first. 😳It will be slow. I promise not to judge the rate I am running and celebrate the fact I went out for the run!
And I promise to charge my camera today and to take five photos of life. Just five, not a whole series, unless I feel so inclined. I need to experience life again through a camera lens.
As for my friends, I will reconnect. I know sending a text doesn’t seem hard, but when you are shut down, it is. It gets more difficult as each day goes by to send the text. Make the phone call. But I will send the text today.
And then maybe, just maybe, I will start to feel more like myself and start living again.
I think the underlying feeling I have had over the past year has been overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed with guilt, exhaustion, grief, tiredness, sadness. As a result, I have all but shut down.
As I started to dig my way out from all the negative and refocus, something new would bring me back down.
Moving onto my blank slate of 2021, I have a few tools I will use to get past this. Because, to be honest, most of what happened in the past year is still happening now.
So here is my plan to get back to feeling more like me: Continue reading “Overwhelmed”
Journalists who wrote for newspapers knew everything about the daily edit. They submitted their articles, went to an editor, and made changes, deletions, and corrections. It was a daily edit of their work.
In school, our teachers had us write drafts of papers. We turned them in; she/he used a red pen and marked them up. Spelling errors, grammatical errors, ideas that needed to be expanded upon or removed entirely were all marked in red. Sometimes, it was a complete restart from one draft to the next. (Just me??) Continue reading “The Daily Edit”
There is something invigorating about creating space. The calendar’s flip to a new year creates all sorts of space or the illusion of it. Pulling down the Christmas decorations creates new space in our homes.
This new space fills our soul with a sense of optimism. Or maybe a need to refill the space with something new.
I find I am more creative when the slate is clean. My desk is cleared off—the areas within my eye-sight with nothing out of order.
Maybe this is why I hadn’t been creating recently. My outer and inner spaces were filled with stuff. Continue reading “Creating Space”
With the closing of the doors on 2020, we have opened new ones. As we walk through these doors, we have the choice to learn from 2020 or continue down the same path we were on last year.
To set a new course, we first need to know what went wrong and what went right. If we don’t look back on the year to understand what we did, which caused poor results, how will we correct them?
I will say it was not fun doing it. It brought up all sorts of yuck from the year. But it was also therapeutic. And on the other side of the tears shed for 2020, there is now hope for 2021. Continue reading “Closing the Doors on 2020”
Looking back on 2020- I have to say, I really didn’t want to look back on 2020. Even on the last day of the year, knowing I didn’t do all I could, I just didn’t want to do it.
But, to make 2021 better, a look back, I did.
The year 2020 was one of a few steps forward, stolen moments, milestones, loss, and deep gratitude.
Looking back at the steps forward in 2020-
I have started my annual review, and I just have to say, I failed 2020. Yup, no bullshitting here, I just didn’t do very well this year, and if I am honest and needed to give myself a grade, I would be hard-pressed to say I earned anything other than an F.